golden-globe-2020-rick

2020金球奖开场白全文翻译:毒舌主持人怂遍好莱坞

昨天晚上,英国笑星Ricky Gervais主持金球奖颁奖典礼 。他的开场白还不到一半,已经引爆了社交媒体。原因只有一个,他彻底放弃了垄断好莱坞30年的政治正确,把明星大腕们怂了一个遍。有人称赞不已,有人破口大骂,但是所有人都承认,这是近年来最搞笑的一段脱口秀。

以下是我的翻译。他的每句话,几乎都有个梗儿在里面。对于不熟悉美国时政的读者来说,有些笑点可能会觉得生硬。我会在文章后面简单注释一下,尽量不影响阅读的连贯性。

视频链接:https://youtu.be/LCNdTLHZAeo

Hello and welcome to the 77th annual Golden Globe Awards, live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel here in Los Angeles. I’m Ricky Gervais, thank you.

大家好!欢迎来到第77界金球奖颁奖现场。我们是在洛杉矶的比佛利希尔顿大酒店进行直播。我是Ricky Gervais,谢谢大家。

You’ll be pleased to know this is the last time I’m hosting these awards, so I don’t care anymore. I’m joking. I never did. I’m joking, I never did. NBC clearly don’t care either — fifth time. I mean, Kevin Hart was fired from the Oscars for some offensive tweets — hello?

你会很高兴地知道,这是我最后一次主持颁奖典礼,所以我已经不在乎了。开个玩笑而已….我从来就没有在乎过。NBC显然也不在乎,这是他们第五次邀请我。你们想想,Kevin Hart, 就因为发了几个冒犯人的帖子,被奥斯卡开除了,你们再看看我?

Lucky for me, the Hollywood Foreign Press can barely speak English and they’ve no idea what Twitter is, so I got offered this gig by fax. Let’s go out with a bang, let’s have a laugh at your expense. Remember, they’re just jokes. We’re all gonna die soon and there’s no sequel, so remember that.

幸运的是,好莱坞外媒办事处基本上不懂英语,也不知道推特是啥,所以他们又请了我,还是通过传真发的聘书。既然如此,那就让我轰轰烈烈地离场吧。咱们就大笑一场,用你们做代价。别忘了,这都是玩笑。我们不久都会死掉,谁也没有续集,记住这点。

But you all look lovely all dolled up. You came here in your limos. I came here in a limo tonight and the license plate was made by Felicity Huffman. No, shush. It’s her daughter I feel sorry for. OK? That must be the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to her. And her dad was in Wild Hogs.

你们今天都打扮得漂漂亮亮的,坐着豪华车来这儿领奖。我也是坐着豪车来的,车牌还是Felicity Huffman制作的。安静点儿,安静点儿。我同情的是她女儿,好不好?那大概是她一生中最尴尬的时候了,哪怕她老爹演过《野猪》。

Lots of big celebrities here tonight. Legends. Icons. This table alone — Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro … Baby Yoda. Oh, that’s Joe Pesci, sorry. I love you man. Don’t have me whacked. But tonight isn’t just about the people in front of the camera. In this room are some of the most important TV and film executives in the world. People from every background. They all have one thing in common: They’re all terrified of Ronan Farrow. He’s coming for ya. Talking of all you perverts, it was a big year for pedophile movies. Surviving R. Kelly, Leaving Neverland, Two Popes. Shut up. Shut up. I don’t care. I don’t care.

今晚有好多名人来到现场,有些简直就是传奇人物。单看这张桌子,就有Al Pacino,Robert DeNiro,还有尤达宝宝。哦,不对,那是Joe Pesci,看走眼了。我爱你,老哥儿,千万别把我做掉。但是今天到场的不止是影视明星,还有全世界的影视公司老总们。他们的背景各不相同,但是有一个共同点:所有人都害怕Ronan Farrow。他下一个目标就是你。提起你们这帮变态,今年真是恋童癖主题的丰收年。逃脱R. Kelly, 远离Neverland,两个大主教的故事等等。闭嘴,闭嘴,我才不在乎。

Many talented people of color were snubbed in major categories. Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do about that. Hollywood Foreign Press are all very racist. Fifth time. So. We were going to do an In Memoriam this year, but when I saw the list of people who died, it wasn’t diverse enough. No, it was mostly white people and I thought, nah, not on my watch. Maybe next year. Let’s see what happens.

今年的主要类别中,很多出色的少数族裔演员被排除在外。不幸的是,我们对此无能为力。 好莱坞外媒办事处养着一帮种族份子。 别忘了这是我第五次主持。 我们本来还打算举办一次悼念活动,但是我一看死者名单,显然不够多元化。怎么死的大部分都是白人?所以我决定不办了,这么种族歧视的事,不能在我眼皮底下发生。 或许明年,看看情况怎么样。

No one cares about movies anymore. No one goes to cinema, no one really watches network TV. Everyone is watching Netflix. This show should just be me coming out, going, “Well done Netflix. You win everything. Good night.” But no, we got to drag it out for three hours. You could binge-watch the entire first season of Afterlife instead of watching this show. That’s a show about a man who wants to kill himself ’cause his wife dies of cancer and it’s still more fun than this. Spoiler alert, season two is on the way so in the end he obviously didn’t kill himself. Just like Jeffrey Epstein. Shut up. I know he’s your friend but I don’t care.

现在都没人看电影了。 没人去影院,没人看电视,大家都在看Netflix。 这个颁奖典礼应该只有我一个人出来,说一句就完:“好样的Netflix!你包揽了所有奖项,晚安。” 但是不,我们必须拖拖拉拉搞成三个小时。 这三个小时,你本来可以突击追完整个《来世》的第一季。 那是一个因为妻子死于癌症,所以一个男人想自杀的电视剧,就这都比颁奖典礼有意思。剧透警告,第二季马上就要开始,所以他显然没有自杀。 就像爱泼斯坦没有自杀一样。 闭嘴! 我知道他是你们的朋友,我该说还说。

Seriously, most films are awful. Lazy. Remakes, sequels. I’ve heard a rumor there might be a sequel to Sophie’s Choice. I mean, that would just be Meryl just going, “Well, it’s gotta be this one then.” All the best actors have jumped to Netflix, HBO. And the actors who just do Hollywood movies now do fantasy-adventure nonsense. They wear masks and capes and really tight costumes. Their job isn’t acting anymore. It’s going to the gym twice a day and taking ster0ids, really. Have we got an award for most ripped junky? No point, we’d know who’d win that.

严肃一点地说,今年大部分电影都很烂。 太懒。 好多重拍,续集。 我听到传言说苏菲的选择可能会拍续集。 我的天,那不就是Meryl说一句话的事吗,“好吧,我就选这个。” 所有好演员都跳槽去了Netflix跟HBO。 现在,只拍好莱坞电影的人都在拍那些科幻垃圾。 他们戴着面具,披着斗篷,穿着紧身衣。 他们的工作已经不需要表演了,每天要做的就是一天两次健身房,然后服用激素。我们有没有一个奖给肌肉最发达的瘾君子? 没有?我们知道谁会赢。

Martin Scorsese made the news for his controversial comments about the Marvel franchise. He said they’re not real cinema and they remind him about theme parks. I agree. Although I don’t know what he’s doing hanging around theme parks. He’s not big enough to go on the rides. He’s tiny. The Irishman was amazing. It was amazing. It was great. Long, but amazing. It wasn’t the only epic movie. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, nearly three hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and by the end his date was too old for him. Even Prince Andrew was like, “Come on, Leo, mate.You’re nearly 50-something.”

Martin Scorsese 上了新闻,因为他针对Marvel那堆超级英雄发表了一些有争议的看法。他说这些不是真正的电影,只是让他想到主题公园游乐场。我同意。不过我不理解他去游乐场干啥?他身高不够,啥也坐不了。《爱尔兰人》很棒,非常好看。太长,但是很棒。 《爱尔兰人》 还不是唯一的,《好莱坞往事》差不多三个小时!小李子去了首映式,电影演完,他女朋友已经太老了。连安德鲁王子也说了,行了,小李子,你都快50多了!

The world got to see James Corden as a fat p*ssy. He was also in the movie Cats. No one saw that movie. And the reviews, shocking. I saw one that said, “This is the worst thing to happen to cats since dogs.” But Dame Judi Dench defended the film saying it was the film she was born to play because she loves nothing better than plunking herself down on the carpet, lifting her leg and licking her ass. (Coughs.) Hairball. She’s old-school.

全世界都看到了James Corden这个怂逼的表现。 他还演了电影《猫》。 没人看过那部电影,可是那影评,令人震惊。 我看到一个人说:“对于猫来讲,这是自人类养狗之后最窝心的事。” 但是朱迪·丹奇夫人为这部电影辩护说,她生出来就是要演这部片子的,因为她最爱的莫过于蹲在地毯上,抬起后腿,狂舔自己的屁股。 (干咳)那一团毛球, 她是老派作风。

It’s the last time, who cares? Apple roared into the TV game with The Morning Show, a superb drama about the importance of dignity and doing the right thing, made by a company that runs sweatshops in China. Well, you say you’re woke but the companies you work for in China — unbelievable. Apple, Amazon, Disney. If ISIS started a streaming service you’d call your agent, wouldn’t you?

这是最后一回主持颁奖了,我是豁出去了。苹果公司通过一部《早间节目》杀进了电视领域,这个戏非常棒,说的是尊严和正直的重要性,由一家在中国经营血汗工厂的公司制作。 好吧,你说你们都觉悟了,但是你在中国的老东家,真是令人难以置信。 苹果,亚马逊, 迪斯尼。 如果ISIS开通流媒体服务,你一样会找你的代理去联系,对不对?

So if you do win an award tonight, don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech. You’re in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg.

所以,如果你今晚得了奖,请不要把这里当作发表政治演说的平台。 不管什么话题,你都没有资格向广大群众说教。 你对现实世界一无所知。 你们大多数人上学的时间比Greta Thunberg还少。

So if you win, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent, and your God and f*** off, OK? 

如果你赢了,那么就上台,接过你的小奖杯,感谢你的代理,感谢你的上帝,然后滚你妈的蛋,行不行?


后记:

Ricky Gervais 这个人不简单,自己也拿过金球奖。 他本人不是什么保守派,甚至可以说是个左派,只是看不惯好莱坞的乌烟瘴气,特别那些淫乱无度的人渣,整天却像圣母一样教导群众。 Ricky的主持风格有点像30年前的好莱坞:自嘲自讽,娱乐大众。可惜,左派的政治正确毁了好莱坞,昔日风光不再。

Kevin Hart是黑人笑星,堪称脱口秀第一人,年收入全球居首。已经被聘主持奥斯卡,但是十几年前开过几个玩笑,不希望他的儿子成为同性恋,结果又被人翻了出来,他拒绝再次道歉,宁愿放弃主持奥斯卡。

Ronan Farrow 就是掀翻性侵大师韦恩斯坦的记者。作为好莱坞首屈一指的大腕, 韦恩斯坦潜规则了无数女明星。Farrow也揭发了NBC的几个老总,而且还在挖掘。

Felicity Huffman是好莱坞影星,前些日子美国名校欺诈案中的一员,花钱偷改女儿的SAT高考成绩,为此刚去监狱里呆了两周。

好莱坞的政治正确已经到了登峰造极的地步,无论演技如何,如果黑人不得奖,那就是种族歧视。前两年#奥斯卡太白了就是一个例子。所以主持人说自己是白人,却五次主持金球奖,显然组织者是种族份子。而且死的明星里也大都是白人,所以也应该多元化一些。

Epstein就是那位性奴岛岛主,因为给无数政要送过雏妓,前些日子在监狱里离奇“自杀”了,但是没人相信他是自杀。这件事目前还在猛烈发酵, #EpsteinDidntKillHimself 是推特上长盛不衰的热搜。主持人后来提到的英国皇室安德鲁王子,也是这一桩,跟Epstein交往甚密,糟蹋过无数少女。

Meme:Epstein didn't kill himself

颁奖典礼又臭又长,主要原因是获奖影星们都想借机博点眼球,无非就是大吵全球变暖,种族歧视,全世界迫害穆斯林,川普是个恶棍等等。Greta就是那个瑞典环保少女,一年不上课,满世界晃悠。所以主持人讽刺说你们这些影星上的学比她还少,就不要装什么砖家了。你们其实屁都不懂,自己过着奢靡的生活,就不要说教了,领完奖滚蛋。